Welcome To My Truth
by naughty-nun
Summary: One-shot. Addison is married to Derek who is absent and can't take it anymore. Angsty pointless one-shot which deals with non-graphic suicide and cutting.


_I wrote this like a year ago when I was in a bad place and never uploaded it on here because it's crap and totally pointless. Story written to the song Welcome To My Truth by Anastacia, it's angsty and deals with suicide and cutting._

_**Disclaimer:  
**Title is, as said, from Anastacia.  
I don't own the characters written in this story, neither for a brownstone in New York by Central Park (what a shame, I know)  
I do however own the 'poem' written in Addison's letter and the story's plot_

* * *

**Welcome to my truth**

Addison Forbes Montgomery Shepherd stood in her and her husbands New York's Brownstone. She stood by the sink, absentmindly staring out of the window while doing the dishes. Although the sun had gone down hours ago and the streets were remarkably empty she couldn't tear her eyes away. She looked at the Brownstones on the other side of the street. She wondered if the families were all that happy as they seemed to be, just like she and Derek seemed to be…

But no one looked further than the happy Addison, she was married to a sweet and handsome guy, lived in one of New York's most beautiful houses close to Central Park, had a second house at the Hampton's, and had a career and reputation as a OB/GYN and surgeon most people could only dream off. On top of all she was gorgeous, she had the most beautiful and breathtaking red hair, legs that went on for days, always looked classy and wore the most expensive labels. Still no one saw the real Addison, the Addison who was still as unconfident of herself as the geek she was in high school. No one knew the loneliness she felt when her husband cancelled another date or forgot another anniversary, birthday or holiday. And not even her husband noticed that the loneliness turned straight into numbness.

She used to cry every night when Derek hadn't been home for longer than 2 hours all week or if she said her I love you and he just answered I know, or even worse, didn't say anything at all. She didn't cry now anymore though, she just took her sleeping pills and crawled in bed to fall in a dreamless sleep.

And whenever Addison felt tears burning in her eyes or noticed the pain shots of hurt in her heart, or any form of feelings at all she just searched for the nearest sharp object and scratched the feelings out of her body, entirely sure that all the feelings would drip away along with the blood. One day, she thought, one day I'll cut hard enough to never feel a thing, to be free of everything.

She finished the dishes and tiredly threw the towel on the counter and opened the drawer. She picked out a piece of paper and a pen and started writing her thoughts down.

**The world won't stop spinning when I'm gone  
****People continue their lives and I'll be forgotten in a while  
****Some days I'll be in your thoughts for a second  
****Maybe I'll even be in your dreams once  
****But I won't stop dreaming of you…**

**The seasons won't stop changing when I'm gone  
****I'll become a page you will soon have turned  
****I will face the lesson I supposed to have already learned  
****You're life will turn around for a second  
****But I'll live on in your dreams**

**The sun won't stop shining when I'm gone  
****The days we used to share together will fade away  
****I'll become a part of your past,  
****The past that did****n't last…**

She turned the page and started to write a letter.

_My love,_

_When you're reading this you probably already know what I'm going to say.  
__This is my goodbye to you although you said your goodbye already a while ago, a goodbye with no words.  
__When we met 14 years ago I never knew we'd end up together and I thank God for that everyday__.  
__You broke down my guards and found out my deepest secrets no one ever got to know__.  
__You made me believe in myself by believing in me.  
__I never thought I could share a love for with someone this deep.  
__We share so many memories together, memories I treasure deeply like the memories of our wedding day, you had to tell me I was not dreaming all the time remember?  
__And the Christmases we spent together, just the two of us._

_Please don't ever forget that, please baby don't ever forget me,  
__It's going to hurt for a while but you have to hold on through the fall.  
__And __remember, you're never alone.  
__One day we'll be together again and we'll be happy.  
__Think of me whenever you drink juju or when you look up to the sky.  
__Just hold on, you can make it through the fire and my love, d__on't forget I'm forever by your side._

_And don't worry about me, I'm free now__._

_Forever yours,_

_Addles._


End file.
